My cat gives me a boner
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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