so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
