she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
