The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
