I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize