so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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