I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
