she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
