Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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