tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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