its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
