i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
