I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dicks are not precious.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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