Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
