If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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