just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize