They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
