You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize