Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
