There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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