Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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