do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
