Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
