If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
