Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
