I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
