I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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