All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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