I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize