apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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