3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
