I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
