My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
