It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
