Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
