it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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