Cold hands, warm shart.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
