Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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