I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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