I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
