I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
whose parrot is this?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
