you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
