I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
