I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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