I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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