I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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