you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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