my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
