I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
