I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
