And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
