I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize