i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
