I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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