Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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