how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize