I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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