I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize