Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
