oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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