i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
