There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hippo gnu deer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
