I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
