I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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