Nicole vs. Life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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