I am puke
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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