i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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