i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
