Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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