No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
