Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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