i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
