I swear she didn't look like that last week.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize