At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
