help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize