About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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