is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
