Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
