Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
