i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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