I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
