i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
