i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
