Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
