yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
