i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
