please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
