I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nutella sex= disaster
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
be right there i have to get my cape
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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