Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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