38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
