You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
