How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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