He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
