Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
