Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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