i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
