He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
