In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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