some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
